My Love

If you hang out with someone, and can't imagine yourself being with them for an extended period of time, but they've said they really, really, like you, is it cruel to continue?  What if he says he understands?  What if he says he has no expectations?  

All of this makes me uneasy.  For this reason, I have decided to be faithful to my love (es un iman).  He sometimes surfaces as the exciting content in my dreams.  It doesn't matter if I don't exist in his world, he is in mine.  In my opinion, it's always better when you have full control of the story.  It's a convenient excuse to keep my guard up, to not let anyone get too close.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm in love with someone else..."

I have so much to do any way.  So much other stuff to take care of– like learning how to relax.  I finally decided, after having processed with Jenn, that if I'm not really feeling it at the intuitive level, that's a pretty clear sign that I'm not really feeling it.  I can be so dense sometimes.  It's so unappealing to think of losing control.  But I do, all day, sporadically, if only for split seconds every couple of hours, throughout the day.  Sometimes I just can't help myself.  Tonight I almost had a myspace relapse and was close to ditching my homework of creating the power point for the presentation I have to do in class tomorrow to go dancing with someone who I don't really love, to make me not think about the one I do.  Innnhaaaaale, Exxxhaaaaale– the second passed.  (Jenn, here's one example of when the breathing really did help.) 

I can do this.  I can do my homework.  All by myself...  At this point I can really relate to Ely Guerra.  Thanks Pau for letting Bev burn your CD, who let me burn the CD, even though I didn't quite like it then...