Hugo told me a story about his friend whose wife delivered her baby at 6 months pregnant after falling while carrying boxes off a truck. Last weekend, the baby died two hours after the wife died, about a month after the accident. In one day, this man lost both his child and wife. I can't fathom... We talked through a night of party hopping. I asked him if he thought 2 people could actually be happy together for the rest of their lives. He said of course. But he also said that I needed to be careful what I wished for. He said if you find your soul mate but aren't ready for them, and don't know it, you could kill them with your love. He said, "Love can kill you." Last night I had a scary dream. I don't remember what it was about but I have been feeling melancholy all day.
It really overwhelms me to feel the weight of change. For better or for worse, change is a permanent state- nothing will ever be the same as it was. The present moment is all we really have. How many of us appreciate the value of this current moment?
Today, Hugo called and was like, "Hey my friend is having a pool party. I think you will like it. You should come." I wasn't sure, didn't know if I'd want to hang out with his friends. But we got there and it was a cover charge party. It was like an MTV pool party. It was so weird to be in that world. I don't want to judge them, but just don't see myself going L.A. I felt scared and alone and I was wishing I could have been in a more comforting environment. I finally got dropped off at 8 pm. I made rice and beans to try to comfort myself. I need a hug. :'(
2 comments:
oooooo- lots of hugs for you, Teena.
warm hugs to you, friend. woulda been lonely, too, after hearing that sobering story and then going to a cover charged pool party. hope the rice and beans made you feel better :)
Post a Comment