Peace Over Violence

I had my first official counseling session at Peace Over Violence today. My counselor's name is Maricel. I know we're just starting to get to know each other, but I'm not sure how this is going to work out. I mean, can some external person really help me to not be afraid? She was so rational, "But you're strong. But you're safe. You protected yourself, so you already know you can live by yourself and be fine." Her words made me cry and I wanted to scream. If only it were that easy. I mean I should be celebrating. Don't you think? I didn't get raped. And I didn't get raped because I decided I wouldn't let him rape me. Even when he tried to overpower me, I still had control, right? Why don't I feel stronger than before? Instead of feeling empowered- knowing that I can take care of myself regardless of the situation (financially, emotionally, physically), I wonder if somehow someone is trying to put me back in my place. There's a voice in my head that whispers,
"How dare you think you can do this on your own?..."
Maricel listened to all of this. She was encouraging and said I was doing a good job and that it was okay for me to be most concerned with making myself feel safe right now. One thing she said that I hadn't thought of before was that the only thing that has changed is me. The world around me is still the same. So if I felt safe in the world I had before, I am still just as safe (especially once Richard is gone). Maybe I will give her a chance.