Session 3, Peace Over Violence

The first time I came here, I was so scared of the building and it's lot. Tall gray brick, black tinted windows. Wrought iron fence around the reserved parking spaces. Even today there's an eerie feeling outside as men gather around trucks doing business. I wonder which of them would be capable of hurting me, of hurting someone else. It's quite possible that one of them could be an attacker, a violator. That's my train of thought now around strangers. Maybe that's just my train of thought, period. Who next, will try to hurt me? Maricel says this is normal and actually a good sign because I am seeing the bigger picture and becoming more aware of what's going on outside of me. She said it's sad to have to face the fact that anyone can hurt you, anyone can violate your trust, but that I'm lucky I know and can prepare.

She asked, "What would you do if you are with someone you know and they try to hurt you?" I just wanted to cry. I couldn't think. "I would call someone to help."

"That doesn't always work."

My heart started beating faster. I can't picture it, I don't want to picture it. "What would you tell your friend if she called you right now and told you someone was trying to rape her?"

I couldn't think. My mind was solid black. Finally I said, "All she can do is scream, fight back, or run."

Maricel said, "See you know. You're a fighter. Do you know how many people do not have that as their instinct? You're amazing, Raquel. You're one of my amazing stories..."

My homework is to think positive thoughts to counter act three persistent negative thoughts:
1. I'm too weak
2. I can't protect myself
3. I can't do this alone

She said I can't run to someone else to make me feel strong. The urge is natural, but to conquer this, I have to find my power from within. It's there, I see it, she sees it. I just don't feel it.